What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is my gift to your gina
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
