Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
