Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
