ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
