You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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