you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
