Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dignity is for republicans.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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