i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
