PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
