woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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