dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
