i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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