so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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