Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you inspire me to be a worse person
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
