Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
