Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
