Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
