Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
