He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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