so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
dude. I can hear the air.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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