Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
