Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
