New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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