I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
