my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i barfeds in our rink
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
