yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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