Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
