he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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