"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
