Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
