Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
