god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
