she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
