She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Where is the hickey?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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