Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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