I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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