walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
