Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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