im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
