Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
