fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
