over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
