I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
