At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
