Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
