I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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