Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
