but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
