Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
