The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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