Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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