Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
