I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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