You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
